Well, that was not how I envisioned my day to go.

Today, I returned to work after nine months.  Teachers do not work summers so after my contract was done at the end of the school year, there is no work.  The fall, I enrolled in college full-time, but since I had to leave due to my PTSD developing in late Sept.; that went down the drain.  Since that relapse, today is the first day back to working anything.  It felt very foreign , strange, and I felt out-of-place.  It really didn’t help that there was a student teacher there and there really was not anything for me to do but be a glorified babysitter.  This ADD woman had a hard time keeping attention to the subject of the English classes through the day.  I did it but it really felt strange.  Some people say you are not supposed to enjoy work, but I don’t really believe that completely.  I feel if it is something you love, then it is not so much work, or a chore.  It wouldn’t be a job where you find yourself often waiting for retirement like some people say in this world.  It amazed me that I have done subbing for four years and para-education, and I felt this uncomfortable like an alien back in this environment.  I did not used to feel this way and I cannot make sense out of it.

Now, I have part two of a phone interview in a half hour for a completely different field which I am only half looking forward to.  It’s the type of job that you have to go through several interviews before you get it with different people.  It’s a job of variation, changing environments, and project orientated as well.  All things that are good for ADHD people but I am still apprehensive.  Why?  If I were to get the job, it would be scary to start with a new environment and people again.  I haven’t had to do that for a very long time, and I guess I got used to being home?  My whole point in this journey of coming out of a mental health relapse is to get back to work and into a normal routine of it.  Being home all the time is very boring and depressing but going back to subbing seems so alien.  I really don’t know what to make of it all.

What’s funny is once the coffee wears off from the morning, I feel less enthused as I did in the morning, or less peppy.  Usually I have a rule of no coffee after noon, but I am having half a mug to get ready for the phone interview.  The job would be an 8-5pm job and I am used to working school hours so that would be a big adjustment.  My husband and I were used to us being on the same hours, and this job would be year round, so not being around during the day in the summer while he is home; I don’t like.  It would help us financially a lot though.

I was tired of obsessing about this , so I thought to just write it all out in this blog post.  I see my therapist on Monday so that is good to tell her about my attempt at subbing again.  Hahaha.  Maybe if I were running the show with no student teacher, time would have went by much faster.

Feel free to comment if you have had to take a long leave of absence from work and then try to come back.


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