My train kept rolling.

(Set to the tune of Aerosmith’s Train Kept A-Rollin’)

I have an interview today which involves meeting with four different people and probably a tour.  The sheer number of interviews I have been through in my life are numerous and STILL I have anxiousness.  This is what happens every time an interview runs around.  I get excited at first when asked for an interview.  Next, I get prepared.  Finally, I have some nerves until I actually get on the road or arrive.  Afterwards and after the interview, I say to myself that it was no big deal.  One might think from doing it over and over that there is nothing to worry about, but alas anxiety always comes back.

The downside to the job is that it is 48 miles away from my home so there would be a commute and I am not a fan of commutes.  Although, now that I am being treated with meds for ADD, I find driving in traffic is much less annoying and does not drain my energy from frustration by the time I arrive to my destination.  Still pretty amazed at how my personality and affect has changed over that issue now that I am being treated.  I am on the fence about the daily commute too because it is a high traffic area the route I have to take due to commuters to a big city near by.  Do I want to subject myself to that five days a week morning and afternoon?  The way I feel about commutes is wasted time out of your life being bored.

On the other hand, I am very bored without a job, and there not any other offers as of yet other than phone interviews, so what do I have to lose?  Besides, I could take it if offered and keep looking for something closer to home.  Luckily , I do have a husband who supports us with his work so it’s not like I will be without food, shelter, and other necessities.  Overall, I am obsessed with getting back to work and feeling productive.

Random thought here readers.  I find if I have to go into a new place with all new people and I find I might feel less than enthused, I turn on some music that has passion for me.  The music that will sing to your soul.  The music that has depth, best played loud, and gets your adrenaline pumping.  Listening to that on the way to that place that makes you hesitate seems to make it all the much better.  When I come out of my SUV at my arrival, I feel invincible, sort of like I might own the building.  I have also used this technique going to a past job where administration treated employees badly and it happened so often, you just sort of expected it.  Music, and music alone rides me through the jitters.  Amazing how it will do that.

The song Everybody Wants You, by Billy Squier is a good one too.  It just came on Sirius XM as I type this and I have to laugh.  This is a good one to play while your going to a destination you’re not wanting to goto or have apprehension about.  Music is a good one for my OCD too, as it comes into play when I go into an interview.  My OCD says to me, do you look prim and proper enough for this interview?  Did I cover up the blemishes I might have with makeup enough?  Do I have cat hair I missed on my outfit?  Am I making facial gestures that I am not intending during the interview?  Am I smiling enough during the interview?  Did what I just say make sense?  Did it sound like it made sense and put together?  Do I look fat?  Is that my caffeinated coffee wearing off?  Shit.

Yes, all that in a two or three-minute span.  Then your mind comes back to where you are.  Oh yes, I am at this interview and the human resource manager is still talking gibberish about what makes their company great and what they do.  She still has not stopped.  Lady, why are you trying to sell me on your company?  I am supposed to be selling myself to you.  You have an office with no window , that sucks.  I wonder how often you get outside for air?  Doesn’t look like much from the complexion of your skin.  Ok, back to reality.  She is still talking, my turn to talk has not come yet.  That was my ADD acting up right there folks.

For fun, I like to turn the interview around and start interviewing the people who interview me.  They seem to not be used to that, every single time.  I totally get off on throwing people off too.  I mean come on, I come with a binder, my resumes, my application, my typed questions, notes on the company.  You can see I am prepared.  Many times I have researched how to ask questions, what is appropriate or not.  The best questions are those that figure out what kind of work environment it really is, why the position is open, and what EXACTLY is expected of me.  Let me tell you, I have been fooled.  The job seems great on paper, the interview is great, the people seem great.  Once you get in, EVERYTIME, within two weeks you find out the truth then your stuck until you can find work elsewhere and transfer.

Once, I had a job where I was hired into a position where I was an assistant to a manager, a position they created and no one has ever held.  Things seemed great until two weeks in.  Actually in the first week, I had employees telling me to watch out for the manager.  They each had their own story about his anger problem.  I made it a point to go around and meet everyone, and see what they did .  Time and time again, there were these stories of his anger outbursts at employees which sometimes included him breaking things in the press room.  Since I had not witnessed it myself, I told myself let’s see how this plays out.

Then one day in the office, all is quiet.  I am ordering and buying large amounts of paper and suddenly I hear something along the lines of , “GRRRRRRAAAAAA.!”  A long, dribbled, and loud inaudible noise.  I actually jumped in my seat because it was so quiet and it came from the press room.  I asked the secretary what in the world was that?  Oh , that was just Bob she says nonchalant and casually.  Then, she goes on to explain that is the regular thing with him.  She seemed unfazed.  Guess I just witnessed a meltdown of an adult man from a separate room.  Ok, there was my first clue I witnessed.

Next clue was when I was sitting in his office with him talking business and let me tell you this guy was arrogant.  Always bragging about where he went to college, and trying to poke passively how my college paired up with his; I just smiled and thought to myself you must have been that guy who was rejected from bid day at some fraternity in your hey day.  Anyways, he would call in his sales people to talk about whatever and then when they left, he would just trash them to me.  I really liked the sales team and felt bad.  My next cue, lack of professionalism.  He seemed to vent it on me too, and I could care less because it had nothing to do with my job.  It was not just one salesman, it was all of them.  He would get mad, tell me about it, and all I thought was what are you saying about me?  Because, you know that when someone talks shit about people at work, what are they talking about you to others?  Same thing for in personal life too.  You know, that in law who goes right down the line of family members filling you in on the dirt , you have to wonder what are they saying about you to other family members?

Clue three:  More employees filling me in on stories, great.  This is just a regular middle school full of adults.  After that, I heard him from other rooms growling at others mistakes and I decided to look for other work.  Luckily, I latched onto something else, gave my two weeks and left.  Good riddance.

I always hope that new employment does not bring something like the experience I had in the past with unprofessional ism, gossip, and anger problems from superiors.  Perhaps that is what I am nervous about, not even the interview itself, just that I might be stuck with a bunch of adults in a petty environment.  Who knows.

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