The urge to write is instense…

On Nov. 30 I found evidence of my husbands emotional affair on his facebook with his co worker.  Since that time, he has been in counseling , and he has been doing a lot of improving.  It has been a big emotional roller coaster ride and challenging to my bipolar and OCD.  I gave him ultimatums, and told him what I will not accept for a marriage.  The day I found out, I put him through the ringer for four days, he showed a lot of remorse and crying.  I told him that in order to have my trust back, it will take a lot of time, and I will need to see it through your words and actions consistently.  I told him in order for me to continue with this marriage, I will need us to work through our problems thoroughly and learn to communicate effectively through marriage counseling, and the other woman has to be completely gone.  He said he would like to do individual counseling first before marriage , my therapist said she thinks it is a good idea.  So I am giving him the time to get enough time in with his therapist.

The intense anger, betrayal, depression, and more has dissipated, and I am able to move on with life and think more logical about things.  Time had to let that shrivel up.  I only trust him probably at 20% now .  I told him I will never go through this again if I find out he did it again.  He promised he would not , that he ended it.  He swears throughout that they were never physical, which strangely I do believe that based on those facebook messages I saw.

I have decided to give him a second chance.  I am taking a leap of faith.  If he does it again, shame on him, but I will leave.  My trust will not be able to be regained.  If it were physical, I told him I would leave right away, I know I could never come back from that ever.

The interesting thing is I read or have read a lot of blogs from the cheater perspective, the mistress , or the person who was cheated on.  Of course, I have no sympathy for the cheaters, especially when they say it was accidental.  There is no accident, it is a conscious decision made between two people.  It did not fall into your lap, no shooting star struck you while you were jogging.  People who do this stuff deserve no sympathy, or pity; they are just emotional immature.  They try to rationalize on here as they accidentally fell in love, or the spouse was driven to cheat because the other spouse drove them to it.  WRONG.  No one puts a gun to their head to cheat.  That is a crock of shit.  So to the cheaters who look for pity, sympathy, you dug your own grave; lay in it.

I do not know what the future will hold for my marriage.  The ball is in his court.  I have done everything I can do on my part until we get to marriage counseling.







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