The things I am missing….

Today I felt mad about the things that are missing in my marriage.  Key things, things that are fair to have in a healthy marriage.  Right now, we are on this broken path with broken bridges, and baby steps are being made; but I am sad.  Sad it came to this.  Hurt because I miss the things we once had.  It is very hard to hear about people talk about the love they get from their spouse, the pictures on facebook, or the kids they have.  I want those things a lot.  It is hard to cope with the feelings of what is missing and feeling sad from it.  I know this is the last chance I am giving my husband, he does deserve a second chance.  I will not give a third.

Feelings of jealousy are wicked and strong, wish they would go away.  My therapist says it can take a long time to work on a broken marriage and that is normal.  Being patient is not my forte.  Something I have to work on personally.  My therapist told me it is normal to not trust right now, and to feel these negative feelings come up randomly and triggered by things I see in the outside world.  I am trying to keep that in mind too.

Meanwhile I am doing things for me and trying my best to keep busy.  I am currently trying to get into a masters degree that will enable me to work while completing that.  I make sure to spend time with family and friends even though they are a few states away, do the best I can with technology.  I have friends here, but not like from home.  I have established myself in a Unitarian Church that I feel is in line with my beliefs and enjoy.  Also, putting my mental health first and seeing my therapist weekly who helps me make fair, and logical decisions when it comes to my marriage.  I told her I do not want to be a doormat or walked on and need to make sure of that.  Exercise is a priority and daily.  It produces a stress relief technique that works the best for me next to therapy.  Next on my list is to treat myself to a massage which is something I rarely do.  Journaling daily has helped me a lot too.

Anyone have any productive advice or suggestions that have gone through this?

 

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