I find journaling my random feelings helps .

Today seems to be better than yesterday.  I keep worrying that the day will go the same as yesterday, but again I cannot predict the future so that is mute.  Enjoyed the morning with my husband going to the garden, and farmer’s market.  Now I am just waiting to goto work in a half hour for a set up for the coming week.  Hate that they schedule it in the middle of the day, which it is hard to plan your day around that.  My husband went on a long hike despite the excessive heat warning and as much as I would love to go hiking, not in what feels like 105 temp.  Tried to talk him out of it, to no avail.

Having some loneliness feeling now that he left and it is just me in our home with the sound of the air conditioner running constantly.  Really don’t feel like cleaning, have some light anxiety over worrying about my husband out there.  Just want to feel at peace whether I am busy or not busy.  I had been using power walking as my anxiety buster but seeing as the excessive heat keeps coming back, that does not work.  Had a gym membership at one time and canceled it after months of not using it enough.  Now I wish I had it.  Sigh.  Feeling a little sad being cooped up in the condo, keeping shades drawn to block out the heat.

I hate the feeling of not feeling like yourself.  Sort of like feeling like a fish out of water even though your in your home.  Not sure how to get past that.  Any suggestions are welcome.


2 thoughts on “I find journaling my random feelings helps .

  1. i deeply sympathize with your pain. that was me today. went to the beach with my dad andeverything was just wrong. sunblock made everything sticky. sand on legs. harsh wind so that the sand felt like tiny bullets. no fun at all, i was crying and hiding under a beach towel.

    When things just go wrong like that, there’s a saying in Spanish for it: “Te vez que hasta tu ni te aguantas” . It means “You look like you can’t/do not know how to handle yourself.” (Aguanta/aguantar means to wait, but to wait upon or wait through a situation whether mentally or physical). To hear that phrase is serious business, because it’s usually meant by the speaker that there’s no hope or cure for the person at that moment.

    And that’s exactly how it feels .

    Usually when my main go to coping mechanism (riding bike/walking aimlessly around the neighborhood) can’t be done due to weather, i accept that i can’t change the weather and that biking or walking is not the only thing to do.
    In that case, to not feel agitated, I’ll sit down, breath and start to stretch (i guess some call it yoga, but not really cuz i don’t follow any patterns or take classes. just move how my body wants to) . or i’ll play music loudly and sing at the top of my lungs.
    Anxiety is physical response in the brain to sitations of fear. To release anxiety, physical action must be taken.

    I hope you are doing better.

    Liked by 2 people

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