Random glimmers of hope

I randomly get these glimmer of hope and confidence in the last three weeks.  My pattern of being scared, non-confident, full of ruminations changes out of nowhere to the opposite where I feel strong and not scared of my shadow.  Lately, I have been worrying if I will feel anxiety prone to goto work and I get to the point, and do not go.  This just means I don’t accept a sub job, it’s not like I have a permanent type job.  Either way this is bothering me and I find that I am falling into retreating to my house more and more, and not wanting to leave.

The problem arose when my summer job ended and I had to transition into subbing again until I could find a long term sub job like I usually do.  Well, the first two weeks of school I was only able to snag two sub jobs because there really was not a big need for subs.  So I got used to being home often, except for errands, exercising, watering the garden.  Now, maybe my momentum is lost of going to work daily.

I know for bipolar people, establishing a daily routine or schedule is super important which without a regular job, I feel lost.  I do have somethings I do regularly each day it just does not fill up the whole day.

Anyways, this post is random and all over the place, but I felt like my old confident self and I don’t know how long it will last but I was happy to post it came back.


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