I got a job

Well I did it, had an interview, it went well they offered me a long term sub job teaching Math.  Don’t get me wrong, I was happy about it.  That lasted for awhile.  Now though I feel overwhelmed about working full school days, and teaching.  This is very strange because I have so much experience teaching, it isn’t my first rodeo.  Plus I have this class I am doing online which is research methodology and that feels like a big chore to do.  On and off I feel like this scared little deer in the dark of the woods.  Scared of a new environment, new people, a lot of what if questions that I could fail at the job.  I took home a couple books of what the class has already done to re-learn the 7th grade Math and I am doing it fine but still worry.  I worry that I won’t be able to balance the class and the job at the same time.  Will I have enough motivation to do all this?  Will my confidence return to how I felt confident in other jobs?  Will the procrastination go away and the nervousness of being able to perform?  Also, why am I putting so much pressure on myself and why am I easily overwhelmed?  This is ludicrous.  Then there is the feeling of getting up in the  morning to goto work feels like pulling a boulder with your bare hands across quick sand, what is up with that?  grrrrr  Fixing meals even feel like a chore.

Saw my psychiatrist two days ago and he told me I am into a depression of sorts based on a detailed talk about how I have changed since the beginning of August when I last saw him.  He was glad I got in when I did.  Sort of like it is in the early stages.  He made a med change and added wellbutrin which he says a lot of his patients have had good results with.  Of course, it will take about ten days to have an effect I can notice.



2 thoughts on “I got a job

  1. After reading your last week of posts, it does sound like you are in a bit of a depression like your doctor said. I hope the Wellbutrin bounces you out of it and the job gives you the routine you were looking for.

    Liked by 1 person

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