Well I did it, had an interview, it went well they offered me a long term sub job teaching Math. Don’t get me wrong, I was happy about it. That lasted for awhile. Now though I feel overwhelmed about working full school days, and teaching. This is very strange because I have so much experience teaching, it isn’t my first rodeo. Plus I have this class I am doing online which is research methodology and that feels like a big chore to do. On and off I feel like this scared little deer in the dark of the woods. Scared of a new environment, new people, a lot of what if questions that I could fail at the job. I took home a couple books of what the class has already done to re-learn the 7th grade Math and I am doing it fine but still worry. I worry that I won’t be able to balance the class and the job at the same time. Will I have enough motivation to do all this? Will my confidence return to how I felt confident in other jobs? Will the procrastination go away and the nervousness of being able to perform? Also, why am I putting so much pressure on myself and why am I easily overwhelmed? This is ludicrous. Then there is the feeling of getting up in the morning to goto work feels like pulling a boulder with your bare hands across quick sand, what is up with that? grrrrr Fixing meals even feel like a chore.
Saw my psychiatrist two days ago and he told me I am into a depression of sorts based on a detailed talk about how I have changed since the beginning of August when I last saw him. He was glad I got in when I did. Sort of like it is in the early stages. He made a med change and added wellbutrin which he says a lot of his patients have had good results with. Of course, it will take about ten days to have an effect I can notice.