About today….

Today went ok except the anxiety increased about going back to work tomorrow.  TV seems to drown it out or reading a book.  Got some good time into my class done, so feel productive there.  Did some errands with my husband, feel productive there.  Taking a shower seemed to feel like dragging a boulder through quick sand, not sure why.  Probably part of the depression.  My dad said he would call in the morning while I get ready for work to give me a pep talk which is what I really  need, so I am grateful for that.  Parts of today, I have felt anxiety take hold and sort of paralyze me where I do not want to do anything but stay inside and watch TV.  That is such an annoying feeling.  This morning I felt strong and hopeful.  Now I just feel sort of nonchalant and not as confident.  Perhaps that coffee I had was too much caffeine and why I had stomach problems.  Seems like coffee speeds up my digestion and if I have too much, I have stomach issues.  My husband went to his college course and I hate being home alone while he is at it.  Usually, I am very unmotivated to do anything when there is no one present.  If there is someone present here, I will get up and do things.  Not sure why that is.  I keep having to tell myself that there is nothing to be scared of at work just because I had a bad day on Friday and flustered and upset.  Why must I assume the same will happen again?

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3 thoughts on “About today….

  1. I am unmotivated when home alone, too. It’s like I can get away with not doing anything because no one is there watching me be lazy. 🙂 In reality, it’s my rest time because when the family is home I am cooking, cleaning up, and doing other chores for them. I need my down time. Alone time to do nothing is good for us I think.

    I used to feel the same way about work that you do. It was very stressful and challenging for me to keep up with because of my depression. I hope it gets easier for you soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I quit. 🙂 Actually…I pushed myself until I had a breakdown and ended up in the hospital. I haven’t been back to work since then. That was 7 years ago. I have always had trouble with working however, switching jobs every 2 years, going from part time to full time and back again, trying to make it work because I was always struggling, always felt like I was drowning. After I had my second child my plate was over filled and working was more than I could handle. I refused to accept that fact and made myself very mental ill as a result. Now I fully accept it is not something I can safely do. At least not until my kids are out of the house. We all have limits. This is one of mine. Sorry to ramble and sorry to not have any helpful or a more hopeful response for you.

    Liked by 1 person

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