how I am feeling today

Just wanted to get my thoughts out somewhere, whether anyone reads this or not.  I woke up feeling a strong desire to ignore the world and drown my thoughts out with TV.  No desire to go anywhere really.  Feel annoyed with the daily struggle of feeling too wired, depression, and the feeling of anxiety in general to go anywhere.  Tired of feeling good after coffee and my meds until about 1pm or 2pm and then I loose interest and do not want to go out anywhere.  It sort of feels like I have given up on trying to push through over and over.  Tired of the feeling of not looking forward to the next day at all, because it means the same feelings repeated over and over.  I am not going to take my wellbutrin anymore, waiting on the doctors office to call as to how I can get off of it.  Since I have been on it, my anxiety and the wired feeling are too high and it interferes with my sleep.  Guess I am boycotting life in general and tired of fighting and my solution is to feel comfortable at home drowning my thoughts out with the news.  Watching CNN for some reason helps take my mind off of things, or Animal Planet and I feel better.  Or movies.  My goal is to take sub jobs again but with all these ups and downs, right now that seems impossible.  Bleh  Oh and this online class I am taking, I have made it through the course and am down to the last week, and what is left is to do the final exam, no desire to do that.  If I could only feel it from the inside that I want to be productive and have interest in doing daily activities and not feel anxiety or this annoyed feeling, life would be easier.


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