Woke up feeling very anxious soon, tried an ativan and mindfulness meditation. After the ativan, it makes me feel like doing nothing at all. I have to remember that when I feel this way, then I feel like I cannot make doing anything in the day. I canceled an appointment this morning and moved it til after my day treatment program is done. Probably a good idea considering how much problems I have been having with anxiety and depression, and then trying to interview for a grad school program. The ativan wore off and I feel better. Starting to wake up more, have two appointments to do today and wish they were in the morning to get them out of the way, not one at 1pm and another at 3pm. I think I will not take an ativan tomorrow morning just because it creates this fog over my mind and then I feel like I won’t be able to do anything while I am under it. Finally, it cleared up. Don’t feel depressed right now, so that is good. I like to say , Bipolar moods change like the weather which seems to be a theme with me. I have my morning moods, then afternoon, then evening. Hoping a lot that things even out. Hoping that making something to eat and showering comes easier. Hoping that going places and keeping busy comes easier. Hoping I can get back to work after this day treatment program. My cat Henry kept meowing incessantly for his morning wet food. Then my other cat Cookie decided to lay right on top of my chest demanding attention. They are like my little kids reminding me to get up and take care of them.
Update: Well the ativan wore off and now I feel like I can goto the graduate interview. Here I go.