grrr

For a few days now, I have had this depression that hurts so much I cannot stand it.  I am fed up, and frustrated, and try to do everything to feel better, but this sinking feeling comes back.  I have lost the want to work or goto college, yet logical I do want those things.  I hate to wake up to another day of pain, knowing it will come again.  Feel like I am just floating through life on a repeated cycle.  I do not even want to goto outpatient today.  I would rather sit and listen to the rain today since that is calming.  It is hard to do errands or want to leave the house, even though I do it.  I look forward to sleeping because it is relief.  I am doing this outpatient program but so far it has been ups and downs mostly, I have not seen a significant change in getting better.  Often I just want to stay at home and sleep, feeling like hope isn’t there to get better.  I do not believe in suicide nor do I want to do that, but sometimes there are dark thoughts that pop up like what if it doesn’t go away.  It scares me and makes me want to cry.  I dislike being alone, but at the same time am tired of being at this outpatient thing around people .  I just needed to write this down somewhere and get it off my chest.  Then the results of the election just didn’t sit well with me.  Anyone else feel this way?

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4 thoughts on “grrr

      1. I don’t personally have a diagnosis. I take care of my father who is bipolar. However, that being said, I do experience dark days and I have had dark thoughts. I feel for you feeling so lost.

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