For a few days now, I have had this depression that hurts so much I cannot stand it. I am fed up, and frustrated, and try to do everything to feel better, but this sinking feeling comes back. I have lost the want to work or goto college, yet logical I do want those things. I hate to wake up to another day of pain, knowing it will come again. Feel like I am just floating through life on a repeated cycle. I do not even want to goto outpatient today. I would rather sit and listen to the rain today since that is calming. It is hard to do errands or want to leave the house, even though I do it. I look forward to sleeping because it is relief. I am doing this outpatient program but so far it has been ups and downs mostly, I have not seen a significant change in getting better. Often I just want to stay at home and sleep, feeling like hope isn’t there to get better. I do not believe in suicide nor do I want to do that, but sometimes there are dark thoughts that pop up like what if it doesn’t go away. It scares me and makes me want to cry. I dislike being alone, but at the same time am tired of being at this outpatient thing around people . I just needed to write this down somewhere and get it off my chest. Then the results of the election just didn’t sit well with me. Anyone else feel this way?