Tuesday

Well, did not want to get out of bed, did not want to feel the same way I did before and feeling jealous of others who do not go through this problem.  I actually feel fearful in leaving the house, not sure if it is an annoyance that I have to leave, or just fear?  I do not know why I would fear this?  Sort of feel like crying, and thinking about my appointment with my therapist at nine am on friday I don’t look forward to because it takes me a long time to get going in the morning.  I did not sleep well last night either.  This medicine was to even me out and take me away from rapid cycling which it has but I seem to be now in this sort of depression now, sometimes crying a little.  Biggest thing is feeling fed up and frustrated.  Fed up for not wanting to leave the house and I do not know if it is because where I am going is just errands, and really has no interest to me, or something else.  Fed up because all my interests have not returned, and only like three things have.  Fed up because I feel weak.  Fed up because I feel some level of depression.  Fed up because my vyvanse does not work according to my doctor because of depression.  He told me to give the lithium more time to work.  Fed up because he thought I would be good by the end of the month and here I am ready to cry due to being fed up with so many things.  My doctor told me to not try to volunteer for ten days from the last time I saw him which would be this sunday.  I seem to rely on coffee to get showered, and go somewhere otherwise I won’t do those things.  Anyone take lithium ?

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