So recently I went to an orientation for the humane society and it was overwhelming. I was obsessing about it the day before it, and sort of the day of. Supposedly tomorrow we get some link to sign up for training, and I am not looking forward to it. Why? Because my job since November was to get better from a bad bipolar depression, then rapid cycling, and some more depression. My time was spent a lot at home, doctors appointments, errands, cleaning, spending time on the net, taking care of our pets, seeing some friends here and there, talking to family on the phone, and you get the idea. I have been very bored on weekdays while my husband is at work. I do not blame him for being at work, it is logical. The more and more I get better, the more bored I get. I was told a good transition was to volunteer before looking for job. Ever since this volunteer thing has come up, I feel scared, wanting to hide at home, and even dread it. I do not understand these feelings but the idea of committing to something seems daunting? Have I just been too used to how things have been or is it depression? I used to teach and I could go substitute teach again, alas, that seems daunting. I DID IT FOR YEARS!!! YEARS! I used to volunteer as well with no problems. What is wrong with me? Just writing this brings tears to my eyes because of the frustration of this wall I hit to move forward. I just want to be the person I used to be before my bipolar raped my life and threw it in the garbage. It is like there is no motivation to do either things. I would love to hear about anyone who is in recovery who have experienced this and how they worked through it.