Tru Blood and Sopranos

Ok, lately I have been drowning out my depression with these two shows to not think.  I feel like my depression is worse, due to the lack of things to do other than errands and cleaning.  It feels like I cannot stand this dullness and sadness anymore.  Very frustrating that I cannot find a summer job.  My doctor tells me that I need structured time like a job, or activities through the day.  I have tried so hard to do just that spending a lot of time looking for a summer job, interviewed for a school job for the new school  year, they still have no word back despite following up twice.  I hang out with friends when they are available, goto the farmers market, spend time with my husband.  I have gotten to the point where I do not look forward to the next day.  When I wake up, I think not this again.  I have tried to force myself to be happy, force myself to have hope, think positive, I am doing that everyday.  Why is this shit not working?  Why can’t I just sit and be neutral?

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