Warning: venting

I am tired of sending out resumes, filling out apps, being bored due to lack of job.  I am tired of my options being cleaning, errands, walking the dog, tending to the garden, and I forget.  I am mad at people who have jobs, because I do not.  In two months that I have been looking, i have only had two interviews anddddd did not get them.  I do not know why.  My mental health in june cleared up but due to unemployment, I am depressed due to my predicament.  Feel like I am running out of steam.  To top it off , my doctor had to lower my dosage of lithium because of hair loss.  Now it looks silly and all I can do is wait for it to grow back.  I feel ugly due to it.  I tell myself I cannot do this again tomorrow, but do it again anyways.  I want to scream about how I have been incovienced by bipolar and ocd.  I have hiked a lot, lots of walks, look at stores to get out of the condo, hung out with friends, I do therapy,  puzzles,  books, blog, and what have you.  I TRY SO HARD, GO THROUGH THE SAME FEELINGS EVERY FUCKING DAY, AND FOR WHAT?  I have knocked myself out looking for jobs countless hours, hundreds of applications and resumes.  

That is it, I had to put it somewhere.


3 thoughts on “Warning: venting

  1. Iggy

    I can relate. It wasn’t so long ago that I felt the same about not getting a job. I would “waste” my time applying to jobs and then wouldn’t hear back or get the “we are sorry but…” letter. And waste my time going to interviews and not getting the job. Something will come. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but keep chugging along… Keep trying. Don’t give up.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. So many have us have gone through the same thing. You are not alone. Employment searching is one of the hardest things to do because you feel as though you are constantly being judged, and coming up short. It’s good to vent, especially in writing. Get the bad out and breath in the good. If you don’t have a job yet, just keep trying. It will happen. Go in to every with the attitude that you would be lucky to have you. Confidence is key. Broaden your search and don’t be averse to taking something temporary.


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